today was the first time i thought being a mom was hard.
maybe it was being woken up with screaming and crying for the hundredth time.
it could have been the food flinging at breakfast.
or the binkie getting lost 5 times before noon.
or how about the skipped nap.
&& how could i forget the mess making in a just cleaned room.
but what really set it off was the gardeners arrival.
right after i finally managed to get ry down.
thus resulting in some more screaming.
i used to hate when people refered to being a mom as hard.
i felt like it was comparing it to keeping up with my laundry, that is hard.
motherhood is more that hard. its 24/7. no escaping. its more of a constant struggle.
you cant use the restroom in peace. or enjoy eating something alone.
theres no spontaneous outings. everything must have some kind of planning && packing.
no sitting down to relax. someone is being to quiet which means trouble.
every move, every thought, everything is second guessed.
no matter how many books i read, advice i get, or research i do i still feel clueless.
how the heck am i supposed to discipline a 13 month old??
how the heck to i get her off my dang boob!? (she tries to sleep with a hand up my shirt)
how do i deal with her picky eating that happened over night?? mac n cheese isn't that nutritious im sure.
how do i get through the tantrums that seem to be happening all the time?? i'd like to stay somewhat sane.
don't get me wrong, i love being a mother. i wouldn't trade it for anything.
but seriously i had no idea how much of a rollercoaster it was.
one second im overcome with fustration && anxiety then the next second im so happy && amazed.
all it takes is one squinty smile && some reminding myself that everything i struggle with is worth it.
she's worth it.
maybe it was being woken up with screaming and crying for the hundredth time.
it could have been the food flinging at breakfast.
or the binkie getting lost 5 times before noon.
or how about the skipped nap.
&& how could i forget the mess making in a just cleaned room.
but what really set it off was the gardeners arrival.
right after i finally managed to get ry down.
thus resulting in some more screaming.
i used to hate when people refered to being a mom as hard.
i felt like it was comparing it to keeping up with my laundry, that is hard.
motherhood is more that hard. its 24/7. no escaping. its more of a constant struggle.
you cant use the restroom in peace. or enjoy eating something alone.
theres no spontaneous outings. everything must have some kind of planning && packing.
no sitting down to relax. someone is being to quiet which means trouble.
every move, every thought, everything is second guessed.
no matter how many books i read, advice i get, or research i do i still feel clueless.
how the heck am i supposed to discipline a 13 month old??
how the heck to i get her off my dang boob!? (she tries to sleep with a hand up my shirt)
how do i deal with her picky eating that happened over night?? mac n cheese isn't that nutritious im sure.
how do i get through the tantrums that seem to be happening all the time?? i'd like to stay somewhat sane.
don't get me wrong, i love being a mother. i wouldn't trade it for anything.
but seriously i had no idea how much of a rollercoaster it was.
one second im overcome with fustration && anxiety then the next second im so happy && amazed.
all it takes is one squinty smile && some reminding myself that everything i struggle with is worth it.
she's worth it.
